Problem:
Those words
move to fast, and I was not a good student.
This may not
be important to the selfishly educated. But there is a whole population of unilingual
out there, who need this.
Experience
for Cause of Change:
I paid for a
movie and I had no idea what was going on.
I am at the
movie because I am not smart enough to read the book. If I was a speed reader,
I would have imagined the movie in thirty minutes, with the book. However, I am
not even smart enough to choose to watch a movie in a language I understand.
I want to
relax. I am at the movie, running my finger over the screen, to try to catch the
words in their correct line. I had to stop that, as it was blocking my view.
I thought subtitles
would stop people from saying, ‘The book was better than the movie.’ However,
you cannot satisfy those people anyways. Even after going to the movies and
reading them, they are still pretentiousizing that the ‘book is better…’ They
are pompous, and they do not understand how cinema expresses the true message
of the author. Take ‘Shrek,’ the movie expressed the author’s message. I read
the book, and the pictures were not quite as vivid as in the movie.
It also took
an extra week to get through the book. They never mention that. ‘The book was
so much better. I needed to take off a season from my job.’ Some people, who do
not read, have professions. Truth be told, it took me a week to get through the
last Hebrew movie I watched at my house; as I kept on pausing it, to catch up
on the subtitles.
Dubbing is
not an option. I have seen what they do in South America. They take every
English movie and have the Mexicans do their thing to it. Every actor ends up
sounding like Cheech. Meryl Streep is out there saying ‘Hola Bendechos.’ I
would rather miss half the movie to my slow reading.
I wouldn’t
want to hear dubbing by Israelis either. However, it would be entertaining to
put together a remake of ‘Grease,’ with arsim (Israeli punks). They already
have the tight jeans and grease, and they still go to discos. Even better, to
remake ‘The Outsiders’ with arsim and Ashkenazik Jewish teenagers. The fight
scene takes place on Ben Yehuda. Brilliant idea for a film. I just copyrighted
that. It is too good.
People want
to enjoy the film, and we as the country must provide for that experience for
all. A country where all can enjoy the movies. This is why new laws have been
passed, which have stopped the ‘hafsaka’
(break in the middle of the movie, where they turned off the screen and
the film kept on rolling). A law I have already presented, still trying to be
passed, is the ‘no standing in the row in front of me’ bill. The standing has
made for many a confusing experience for many 3D aficionados.
Solution:
-Play the
subtitles slower than the talking. Many of foreign films from the 1980s are not
synced with the sound anyways.
-Only show
movies in English. Israelis are already used to reading subtitles for Hebrew shows,
in Hebrew. They like reading a lot. I am assuming it is an educational law in
the country to put subtitles on everything.
-Slow down
the movies. Give an extra three seconds of black screen, with subtitles, so
that all of us can catch up. No reason for everybody to be in a rush. People
want to be there. This isn’t synagogue (Beit Knesset, for those who would need
subtitles, who I care about), there is no reason for the Chazan (cantor, to
give an English word which is more complicated than Hebrew) to speed up .
-Headphones
that play the film in your language. Kind of like the headphone parties, where
you share the experience with none of the other 500 people with headphones.
This would also stop me from having to slap teenagers, who pay 35nis to talk in
a cushioned seat.
Indiscriminate
slapping of teenagers is another bill, for a happier society for all.
-Actors must
talk slower. If the movie is not in English, the actors must slow down. All
lines must be delivered as if talking to a tourist, in the native tongue of the
land the tourist is visiting.
