ISRAEL CHANGE: Somebody Who Speaks English To Represent Us

(Israel Political Platform for Change)

Get Somebody Who Speaks English to Represent Israel in English Speaking Countries

We look like idiots in the global news market.

Problem:

A whole country of new immigrants and Nefesh BNefesh and we have the only two people representing us, that do not speak English. They go around the Knesset looking for people to represent us and argue our side and some convincing Israeli from the Green Leaf Survivor Shas Housing Price Meretz Party member gets up, ‘I speak Anglish.’ They know a job is coming their way.

Somebody has got to be there saying, ‘This good. He speaky Anglish. We go representie Israeli news peopolee.’

Anglish is not a language. Nor is Peopolee a word. And adding an ‘ee’ sound to everything is not a way to bridge English and Hebrew.

There is no reason we should be losing the global vote right now.

The Arabs look brilliant, because they have English speakers representing them. They show up on the news, ‘What we have is called a human shield.’ The guy is eating it up, ‘Please explain it to our viewing audience.’  Any Arab is right at home at CNN, ‘What we do is take civilians and line them up in front of us...’ The anchor is enamored, ‘Sounds like a great plan. So you take little kids and put them in front of the soldiers? Hence Israelis look like idiots. It is a community event.’ Then the representative explains, ‘We make sure they are mature enough to make their own decisions. At least three. If they have parental guidance, then it may be younger.’

Arabs have such world opinion, to the point where anything that is not pro-Israel works. I even heard one explaining, ‘Our new thing is that we run over people. We do not use any weapons, just cars.’ The news guy is taking it in, ‘This sounds like a great plan. And then the Israelis use aggression. They check the drivers. It is Israel’s fault.’ ‘The aggressors even arrested somebody.

The word aggression gets thrown out there, and everybody eats it up. ‘The aggressors don’t let us drive anymore.’ Our delegates don’t even understand what the word ‘aggression’ means. I don’t think anybody knows what the word aggression means. Aggression sounds so good when people from the Middle East say it. It just roles off the tongue.

From what I have gathered recently, it means Israeli. It is synonymous with Israel. It might be another word for cactus.

Then I see us on the news. We sound like idiots. We don’t even need an antagonist. I have seen it. I hear the Israeli ambassador out there, ‘Ehhhhhh.’ The anchor is baffled, ‘Sir. You cannot create your own static.’ The Israeli guy is all sure of himself, ‘Chipssim. We fries. Electonica.’ What is electronica? The people at CNN and BBC are in shock, ‘Israel is French fries? I thought Jews were supposed to be smart. Are these the same Jews that live in America and Europe?...We shouldn’t be blaming the Jews. It is these people. We have information that Israel is killing babies.’ This cocky Hebrew speaker interjects, ‘No. We don’t kill baby. We kill everybody. These OK.’

‘Sir, Do you speak English.’ ‘Yeth, I speaky Anglish.’

‘Tunnolly.’ ‘You eat Italian food in Israel?’

Aside from using baby to mean plural, and Anglish being the language he speaky, this is messed up representationy of our peoplee.

Solution I propose:

-Go to Rechavia. Knock on any door. You will find an English speaker. Ask them to represent the country.

-Do not have Americans representing Israel. They make us look even worse. If they are not self-hating Jews, if you can find one, do not allow them to do what they call ‘Israel Advocacy.’ They start talking and anti-Semitism is perpetuated. Once they start with their whole support for Israel, anti-boycott stuff, it is fodder. They get going, ‘Boycott Israel and don’t use your computer. We make the chips…And don’t read your newspapers, we run those too…And don’t use your banks, we own those as well…Don’t know if you have read the literature. We are also running the airlines. So…’

Another anti-Semite is born. I can tell you that the one place we run that stuff is in Israel. And we don’t run it well.

If you want to stop spreading anti-Semitism, have me out there as the attaché, letting them know: ‘We do not have the capability to run airlines. No Jew is a pilot, unless they are assimilated. We cannot run banks. Look at Israel, you can see that Jews are not that good with money. And boycott Israel, it makes no difference. We are getting all of our stuff from China anyways. They make the chipsim toys…You heard our guy talk. You think we are writing well enough to be running the newspapers?’ That is Hasbara (Israel Advocacy) my friends.

-Have the Israeli delegate nod. No talking. Just nodding. This way, at least the world will think we have a disability, and we will get the sympathy vote back on our side.

-Only interview on Fox News. Finally, a news agency that supports Israel. Leave the Israel Advocacy to people who are not Jewish. They know how to make the worst sounding Anglish, sound like something positive for Israel. ‘So you were protecting your citizens and they put their civilians in the way…and they are using their cars as weapons now?’

Thank you for leading the delegate sir. He is ready to answer, ‘Yesie.’ One word and Israel’s representative still sounds like an idiot. Nod. Just nod.